From Sunshine Far Away But Grateful

This is parts of a talk I have given (twice now) about families:

“…I so desperately want my boys to be able to have the kind of parents I have. As I think about what my parents did to ensure that their [family] was strong and unified I realize they did so many things right.

I think the most important thing that any of us can do is to teach and lead by example. I had a boss that used to say I can’t hear what you are saying because your actions are so loud. My parents always had plenty to say but they really, really lead by example. They told us that we should read our scriptures and pray and go to church but they did those things with us. And equally important, we knew that even when we weren’t there they were reading their scriptures and praying and fulfilling their church responsibilities. believed they were slave driving us to do housework and yard work, but we learned how to weed the garden from them, we learned how to clean and organize from them, and we learned that the job isn’t done until all the tools are cleaned and put away.They told us that service is important but then they took us to the church welfare farm to pick corn and grapes at o’dark hundred hours in the morning. My mom fed the missionaries and fixed the holes in their pants. They moved into a different house so that my grandma could live with us for the last year of her life, and ensured that she was as comfortable as she could be. My mom bathed her and fed her, and changed her when she no longer had control over her bladder and bowels. They taught us with words but more importantly they taught us by example.

Another thing my parents did well was to create a safe place where we always knew-no matter what-there were people and an environment that would keep us safe. There were absolutely consequences for wrong choices and bad actions, but I think it was because there was discipline that the environment was possible. My mom was always there, always. And we always knew that our parents loved each other, many times embarrassingly so. Of course now I think it great that they still like to kiss every chance they get. I was told that I was loved every single day. I don’t know if it was a conscious effort on their part but there was no question in my mind that I was very loved. In fact I remember having debates about which kid was loved best. We were all sure it was us because my mom would say things like, “I love you more than any of my other twelve year old girls.”

…Our friends wanted to hang out at our house. I remember being annoyed that my friends wanted to hang with my mom. My parents weren’t just friends with us they were friends with our friends. I was talking to my brother a little while ago and he told me about his friends that came to stay for weeks and months. My parents live in a pretty small house. One time all the bedrooms were so filled up that one of his friends had to sleep under the dining room table. He wanted to be in the safe place my parents had made so badly that he slept under the table for months…

…An invaluable skill my parents instilled in all of their children is a strong work ethic. I believe that one of the reasons my parents made such a strong family is because we worked together…hard and often. I believe that being able to work and not give up is a more valuable skill than being super smart or having a bunch of innate talents. If you know how to work you can learn how to do anything…It is important to know how to work hard because anything worth having has to be worked for…

…I never ever knew how fiercely I would love my children. I want them to be so safe and happy always.”

Now I know how my parents feel about me. Thank you for loving me so much and teaching me the very best you knew how to be a happy, loving, hard working and giving person. I only pray that I will be able to do it for my kids.

Happy, Happy Anniversary-you deserve it! I love you forever